KICK! HIT! GOAL!!!.

Today is Emo DAY.
I am Mr. Emo.
And i am going to show you, how irritating i feel when i read emo blogs.
after all being emotional is a sign of weakness.

here goes:

It's a New year, a new dawn has started, and I am still not done with anything. I looked at the mirror countless times, what is the use of my existence in this world. They all say, "Everyone is unique". What am I? Something is still in me, I brought something unwanted into the new year.
What is that something? Times have changed, and situations are different. I still wonder about you, thinking about you, Even if it is 2007, i would still love you.
A knife slashed my heart, opened up my insides, just to prove i still feel for you.I've sunken so low, just to make my life a little better. I stab, and i get stabbed, I do not enjoy this feeling, but life is nothing without my drastic change.
The teachers praised the change in me, encourage the enthusiasm in me, and want this inquisitive me.My friends enjoy the talkative me, I no longer sit at one corner to sulk. I play with them, I joke with them and laughed with them.
BUT, none of these is funny, none entertaining. I searched deep in me, high and low. Everyone loves the new me, I should try accepting what the society prefers. I mingled with what i deem to be of the lower class frequently before school. Their sense of humor sent chills up my spine. They taught me to laugh, to enjoy every minute of this torture. I could not click with them, and sense a little of my inferiority. But deep down , i know it is not me that is inferior. It's the latter. Then school started, I sat down, became a listener for a day and i resigned. Being Troubled ,being emotional is something i could not cope with. But I felt i could make someone's day, it's this that i had my new year resolution, "To make their Day".How long can this enthusiasm last? only but ten days have passed.
I see things differently now, I may not have matured, but i have certainly taken another alternative of living life. Ogling is what i love to do as an individual, I found a group that do that often with me to pass time, Life is nothing without girls.
I often put both of my hands in the pockets of my school trousers and look cool, but more often than not, i am actually in deep thought, thinking, what should i say next, a joke? Or what is my next step? Next step to achieving what i have planned this year. In case u do not know, my CT is giving hints of how important this year is to all of us. He once said, look for our GP teacher to take on greater responsibilities. It did not make sense, but Mrs Leong will indeed by MY stepping stone to becoming a hypocritical lawyer.

Step back, take a look. Is it really what you thought?
Take a breath, look again, is it really what you want?
Turn around, walk away. Did you forget?
Walk back, look around. Is it still there?

Simple words mean a lot.

I'm writing to escape my own fears. Fears that I will some how mess up what I have and need something so badly that I drive it away. I hide in these words, openly and inwardly. Even when i am writing these, my heart is filled with trepidation to how i can manipulate my friends, just to be the top. reading politics is nothing, I could seldom apply this to my life. however important i know it is. I had a setback not long ago, and this setback makes me think Language is power.

I wanted power, I needed charm, and i needed to attract.

I have grown up taking responsibility for others, for myself, for how others feel, for how others suffer; whether in my expense or not. It is something I have grown accustomed to, and to hate.

I never did like seeing people I really love cry, or get angry. Its worse if I'm partly a trigger to their problems and even if I'm not, I still feel responsible to bring up the corners of their lips. The responsibility grows into a burden, and they add up to the load I have heaved over my shoulders. I cannot whine or grumble because I had every opportunity to walk away from a tearing friend, but I didn't.

Maybe I did, once or twice.

But different circumstances brings about different possibilities, and sometimes I'm just too tired with my own problems to be concerned about yours. We all have little secrets shrouded behind the veil we sew painstakingly through the years, and as we age we get better and better in doing so. Lies then erupt, and sins are committed.

Sins so awful I refuse to share. But maybe its because how my morals have been bended and stretched so wantonly for the past few years, I have become to repeat offender I am tonight.

Written so well, but a waste of talents lies beneath the iceberg.

What you read is the tip of the iceberg. I am very proud of this emotional entry. I knew i did a great job. And for the lst time, i felt a sense of satisfaction. God bless myself.

Faith is a myth, and being emotional gets you no way in this modern hierarchy of social ladder.

.][-Splattered my blood on
10:12 PM